Colloquium Paper

10/18/10

President Meets Representatives from Vulcan!

In a incredible turn of events the President of the United States as well as the leaders of several other nations have met with the Alien race called the 'Vulcans'. The crucial initial meeting was almost jeopardized by a group of political activists and conspiracy theorists that claimed a rendezvous on the Vulcan's nuclear powered space ship could simply be a clever ruse by the aliens to assassinate or assimilate the leader of the free world and his compatriots. Arguing that the ship's powerful reactor could easily release enough radiation to fry the President, the activists lead a full media assault against the meeting. The various world leader began to suspect the worst upon hearing this news and nearly all but the President refused to attend. While the Vulcan's fair skin, pointy ears and psychic powers might insinuate a bad attitude, their reaction to the activist's theories couldn't have been more compliant and logical. The Vulcans teleported all of their ship's reactor designs directly to the President's Oval Office and gave the President their personal assurance that no harm would come to him or the other leaders. Sources inside the White House claim the the reactor is powered by cold fusion and, stored inside a lead lined cavity in the heart of the ship. Despite the obvious proof from the teleportation device that the Vulcans could easily harm the leaders without an elaborate ruse; there was much concern over the leaders safety and the long term effects of the radiation. Conspiracy theorist Duke Taft argued that the radiation was designed to kill the world leaders in the long run and would simply serve to create mass political instability across the globe after their death. At which time the Vulcans would seize control and experiment on us. There was considerable confusion amongst the various world leaders upon reading Luke's blog post. Undeterred the President reviewed the reactor documents and after discussing them with his Science Staff, he concluded that the ship released about 80 rem of radiation. This number only fueled the activists concerns, but the President, determined to further humanity argued in a golden oratory that a radiation level of less than 100 rem was safe for healthy humans. “My health will remain unaffected by the radiation on this ship. In what is described as a 'threshold' effect my body will naturally repair the damage of the radiation below 100 rem. The long term possibility of cancer is not a danger as well, because of the limited time I will be in the ship. The cancerous effects of this limited dose of radiation would come long after my presidential term, if ever. As a result I have concluded that there is little health risk, the Vulcans and I will meet in their ship on Wednesday”. The activists and world leaders were put at ease by this news excluding the dictators and monarchs as their 'presidential terms' would never end. Regardless of their lack of attendance the negotiations continued as planed. The summit held between the world leaders, led by the President of the United States and the leader of the Vulcan people and the Vulcan High Counsel was reportedly a complete success. Not only did the President return unharmed but it seems that the Vulcans pose no threat to us and have even offed to take several emissaries back to their home world to sample its culture.